Letters That You Won't Send

Dear Dream Weaver,

Do you think it's funny toying with me like this? Every fucking dream it never fails for you to throw in some insecurity towards my marriage and I hate you. In my heart of hearts I trust and love my husband with everything that I am, but apparently you failed to receive that memo.

In any case I do feel the need to thank you for the countless obscene creations that I will never be able to fully put to use because my lack of motivation seems to hinder me every time I try. Sometimes I can't help but wonder if perhaps this is just another one of your sick jokes. Like that one time you convinced me that I wasn't entirely human and then I woke up disappointed beyond belief to find that I actually was.

Yeah, speaking of which: fuck you.

I wish I could actually say I enjoy your work, what with being able to lose myself in a world beyond my own, but to be honest I quite frankly hate it. It's a sick and cruel joke Dream Weaver. And seriously...you need to wake up and smell the roses.

Hatefully yours,
Sighlent

Dear Introspection,

Are you really trying to help me? You're throwing questions my way that I'm desperately trying to catch. I try to understand, and think about them. I try to come up with answers. Do they exist? The answers I mean.

Is this all just meaningless thinking? Should I question everything about myself, my past and my future?

I just don't know anymore, which of course is your fault.

Is uniqueness good or bad? Bad because it brews misunderstanding, conflict, war. And good because...because it make me feel not the outcast, but the special one. Is it wrong in that light to still love uniqueness, even when it brews prejudice, hatred and separation?

It seems a little selfish, doesn't it?

I've heard that you have to be a little selfish, or care about yourself, but how much? When do you become egoistic, how do you walk the fine line? Seriously Introspection, how do you do it? You're asking me all these questions.

Why? To make me a better person? To make me loose the confidence I have? To destroy the already small image I have of myself, or are you trying to strengthen it in some absurd way of yours? Are you trying to show me that I am a good person? Why people like me?

Well, it's not working. I still can't see it, and now I'm questioning myself, my beliefs and emotions. Questioning all I can about myself, from my thoughts, to my way of seeing the world. I don't know what to believe anymore.

Dear Introspection, you may be useful sometimes, but can you please go back to sleep and leave me alone. I have the questions now, I don't need more.

Sincerely,
Felicia