Ask the Ghost ~ 008

The skies darken, and there is an evident air of a presence that surrounds you. The birds and bugs cease to make a sound, and the very air itself becomes icy cold. The wind dies down, and everything is still... for a few moments. Then, there is a voice.



Jolly-olly 'oller-'aller-o ter awll the foggy lot o' brilly gits 'n' gels!
It's toime for another episode of Ask the Gewst!
I'm yer host, CHAAHLEY the Gewst, wot's got brilly well right bloody smashin' nosh and wit!

Are you afraid yet? No?
Well then... BEW!!
Awll better? Righty-o, then!

I haven't any letters in me box of Proivut Messuges, and truthfully it's been a bloody while since I've had a good batch o' questions.

"Oi Chaahley, wotcher gonna do about it, ay?" Ye moight say, roight?
"Oi Chaahley, wot'll we ask questions about?"

No topic this week! We'll give it a bit of a 'prov.
And to spice up the activity, 'ere's wot I'll do. I've decoided to take a coupla days off me Caligo hauntings to come and haunt ye Foggehs! Over the nex' few days, the 'Aunted Forum 'aunts the whole bloomin' site! Hurr-hurr-hee!

Hurrah for Chaahley! That's me!

Come on, then, join the fun! Ask me any question ye loike, either in here or in with the Proivut Messuging system here at FOG. It'll be a blawst! Lok a rainbow on a waterfall, awll misty and foggy and fun!

Tell awll yer friends!
Wot've ye always wanted to ask a gewst?

---

The voice remains, still but everpresent. The gentle breeze resumes softly, if hesitantly. The air remains like ice, but here and there a bug chirps or clicks... perhaps out of boredom, or is it anticipation? The shade over the sky hovers, silent, ominous, waiting....

Hey Charlie!

I have a question I've always wanted to ask a ghost. Mind you, it can be a very offensive question, but you asked so...

Are you real?

Sincerely,
Miss Dagger

Ooh ooh! I want to ask a question too!

:3

......

Do you creep on people?

<____<;;

>____>;;

I mean, don't ghosts creep on people?

D: They are invisible you know.

Yes and yes indeeyd. That wos awfully easy, wunnit?

'Course I's reeul! Sort of. As reeul as a gewst gets, leastways. I'm a bit of an half, lok a bubble o' soap. Cheeky blighter floats and pops and pops up awll over again.

I's only half invisible, leastways for normalcy. I can gets invisible, never doubtin', which helps with the creepin' and hauntin'. Jolly brill bit o' lolly, wot?

Dyou want to know more about it, lovey? It's awfully fun, is hauntin'. Creepin' on folk, and that. Takes techneyque, and a well bit o' nous. I could fill loibrurys full o' stories about it. Honnust! Juss give me a shoutin'. Say "Oi, Chaahley, have you got a stooory for mey?" Any toime ye loike.

Thanks awfully for the questions!

So, Charlie, what would be the best technique for creeping?

From bey'oind, o'course. And bein' soilunt. Gotta be quiet lok a bird wot isn't singin'. Lok a breeze wot isn't blowin'.

Wot's really fun if ye wants to toss in a load o' creepy with yer hauntin', is do a double-sneaker. It's the "Take that and THAT" techneyque. The "And THAT" is always worse. 'Ere's 'ow it's done.

Really quiet-like, lok a fish, float in bey'oind 'em, but don't do aught yet. First juss stare at the rear o' their neck so their hairs start a-standin' on their own, lok of a static, with a balloon and a sweater, so it's awll creepy. Afore long they'll turn round to have a look, roight? That's when ye turn round with 'em on the other soide of back when they wos standin' the other way. Get it? So whoile they're lookin' round to see what's been creepin' on 'em, you sneak round double. Then when they turns back to the start, it'll be you standin' there in front, roight in there face. But don't say "BEW!!" juss yet. It's more creepy to say nothin' fur a second, and after they give a bit of a start, then the "BEW!!" is even worse, cos they've already seen you and been haunted, 'cept now twoice, sort of loike rolling doubles at a pub.

Bleedin' brilliant, roight? Best creepy scare evah!

Righty-o and a jolly lot o' derring-do. We'll conclood this episode of Ask the Gewst! See you in about a week!
Ask me lots of questions whenevah ye loike! Don't wait fur episodes, juss send 'em to me Proivut Messuges inbox here at FOG.

See you 'ere an' about! Thanks for catchin' the show!
Evenin', then! Cheerio and awll that, wot?

And tell awll yer friends,
Chaahley says BEW!!

---

The voice fades. Everything is still... for a few moments more. The gentle breeze resumes creating soft swirls in the unending mist. The air seems less icy, the bugs and birds seem to return as if there had never been a gap in their ambient whisperings. The shade over the sky rolls back. All is as it was. ...for now....