The Battle of Celebrant OOC

¶1 ~ There had yet to come a day so poor, as to force him to remain at his home. [Doesn't need the comma.]

¶3 ~ Many houses and holds now dotted the landscape, lands which had once been barren and devoid of inhabitants were now brimming with activity. [Perhaps instead: (the landscape. Lands which)]

¶4 ~ Eastwards his then turned, to the Greylin, which was the lifeblood of the surrounding lands. [Perhaps instead: either (Eastwards he then turned,) or (Eastwards his eyes then turned,)]

¶5 ~ "We are ready, father" [Needs a period.]

¶6 ~ The boy had seen fifteen winters and was shaping up as a strong, young man. ["young man" seems as if it ought to be treated together as a noun rather than using "young" as a second adjective. This is supported by connotation; I don't think any young man would aspire to or "shape up" to be a "young" man even if he was also "strong," but a "strong" "young man" I think he would. If that's the case, then the comma wouldn't be needed.]

¶8 ~ It was already something which came naturally to him, as if he put on a shoe; just as it had to be. [The phrase following the semicolon is not a complete clause. A dash might be better here.]

~ Soon, the four of them—father, son and the two horses, found themselves on the dirt road leading away from their homestead. [There should be a second dash after (two horses) instead of a comma.]

¶'s 11-14, 16, 22 ~ [All have –'s that aren't needed. Commas and periods work.]

¶11 ~ ...as he aligned himself next to Helmgar [Needs ending period.]

¶12 ~ [Perhaps instead: (examine it more closely." He then added after a pause, "Always be mindful)]

¶13 ~ [Should be: ("Yes, father," the boy nodded at once, "Are we going)]

¶14 ~ [Should be: ("Hmmmm." Helmgar coughed, as he wondered, "I had not thought)]

¶16 ~ [Should be: (such is life..." Helmgar sighed heavily. "It knocks you down)]

¶17 ~ Léohelm's fate hung heavily on Helmgar's shoulders and the memory of it soured his mood, he grew distant and quiet. [Run-on sentence and comma splice. The three clauses need to be separated. Perhaps: a comma before (and the memory) and a semicolon instead of a comma at (soured his mood, he grew distant)]

~ Such was their vocation, he knew that; warriors accepted the risk of death and maiming, it was a part of their life. [Perhaps instead: (he knew that. Warriors) and (maiming; it)]

¶18 ~ [Perhaps: (completely selfless. A part); (another reason: Helmgar's freedom); (second born; Éohelm's horn had been given to him. It was meant to for him to do great deeds in his life, to make his name immortal in the songs of his people.); (family—a wife, sons and a daughter... And yet, Léofric was almost a man grown; he could)]

¶19 ~ ...toyed with the idea of travelling. [misspelling; should be (traveling)]

~ South perhaps, to the lands... [Perhaps: (South, perhaps, to the lands)]

~ It made no matter where, he could not bear to remain here. [Perhaps a semicolon instead of a comma?]

¶20 ~ The wisdom of Aethelred has passed onto Léohelm, he was calm and reasonable like their father; but a different kind of blood flowed in Helmgar. [Personal stylistic preference: (Léohelm; he was calm like their father. But a different)]

¶23 ~ [Needs a comma: (visit some relatives, and now)]

¶...lost count ~ ...was not certain if he did so know, not completely [should (know) be (now)?]

[also, close by, there was a 'gouge' instead of 'gauge']